do-not-feed-the-animal:

fun fact, the last one is no accident, it’s in milwaukee, and they do it every year around the holidays!!!!!

(Source: tastefullyoffensive)

windows-vriska:

kristintastic:

windows-vriska:

"so… are you REALLY a lesbian?" no. i am actually 16 praying mantises disguised in a human suit. i am sorry for deceiving you

you must be really small then…only 16?!

please do not belittle our efforts. we are trying our best

Anonymous asked
Control is a Minecraft villager. No seriously Control really looks like one

the-meta:

whoiscontrol:

image

The truth is out there…

(They even have the same blank look on their faces!)

kaisergeyser

(A gay couple has just met up in the restaurant and kissed each other upon arrival. Another customer has seen this and is obviously angry.)

Angry Customer: “Damn f**s.”

Gay Man: “Excuse me?”

Angry Customer: “You heard me, you little s***. Let’s not make this into some little pride protest, okay? I have to accept that you’re going to live your lifestyle, and you have to accept that I’ve got freedom of speech.”

Gay Man: *quietly* “Is it too much to ask for a little human decency?”

Angry Customer: “Human? Listen up, what you’re doing is not human. I think I have the right to determine what I think is human.”

(The manager shows up. He’s a quiet Italian man who I assume is conservative due to the Christian imagery and portrait of Reagan he keeps around the restaurant.)

Angry Customer: *to the owner* “Hey, can you move either them or us to another table?”

(Instead of responding to the angry customer, the owner instead speaks to his wife.)

Owner: “I’m sorry ma’am, but we have a strict ‘no pets’ policy in my restaurant.”

Wife: “Uh, I, uh, what? I don’t have a—”

Owner: “Well, according to your talking monkey over here, I can determine who’s a human and who’s not. You bring an animal into my restaurant; I gotta assume it’s your pet.”

(The angry customer storms out. When I left, the owner was giving his description, and copies of security camera footage, to the biggest crowd of police I’ve seen. Apparently it’s a bad idea to not pay your bill at a restaurant that gives free coffee to cops.)

busket:

sixpenceee:

alloursongswillbelullabies:

sixpenceee:

Doesn’t that look beautiful?

Like something you’d find on one of those soft/pale/rosy/grunge blogs? 

Well nothing too rosy on my blog. 

The Bolton Strid in England is one of the most innocent looking streams. 

Though it looks like you could just hop across the rocks, but if you miss you will die for sure. It packs very rapid currents just a couple of feet below its surface. No one really knows how deep it really is. Nobody who has ever fallen into the Strid has survived. It has a 100% fatality rate.

It’s always the things I google expecting to be false that wind up being horribly true.

SOURCE

"It’s relatively common for people to assume they can jump the creek, walk across its stones or even wade through it (again, just looking at it, the Strid really seems to be only knee-deep in places, and certainly not the instant, precipitous drop into a watery grave that it is). Most of the time, they never even find the body. Which means there are just dozens of corpses down there, pinned to the walls of the underground chasms, waiting for you to join them…"